I wish I could touch you for just once,
to feel your warm breath on my skin.
I wish I could just listen to your voice,
the look in your eyes for real.
I wish I could just have you here.

I have been waiting,
even when now I have your love,
I couldn't have you here with me.

I wish I knew what I must do to have you close to me...

Can you love someone you met online? Can there be any love through cyber chat?

Life is getting easier these days. Not as easy as it ought to be, but I live.
I now walk, work, few scars left, psychic trauma persists, but I live.
I don't trust people easily now, I got scared too often.
It will never be easy for me to forgive nor to forget what they did to me.

I'm home now, and I'm happy! Nothing much changed, the sound of the waves, the kites on the sky, except the twins are now two years old and they are very naughty. It's weird sometimes to watch how they grow, as twins, you know. If one falls sick, the other will too. If one cries, the other will cry too. Maybe they are connected, connected in a certain ways, in their own world, that only they know.

I don't have internet connection, this place knows nothing about internet. I have to go downtown to connect to the net, which I rarely do. I'm still enjoying my time with the surrounding, family and friends.

But I'll keep updating this journal, with stories to tell and stories to share ^_^

Two years now I've been away from home...

"Birds" are the names given to their fathers since they came only for a short while and then go away. They stay unmarried and they can have as many numbers of children. Most of these children are girls since boys are considered as burden in the family thus boys' feticide is long practiced in the community.

They enter the family "profession" as soon as they enter puberty. Their first customer will be taken carefully by the other members of the family with medical check up including an AIDS test. The first time "fee" usually goes around US$ 3,750-6,250.00. The myth says young virgins will cure men of various ailment including AIDS! As long as the first customers keep coming, these girls will not take others and the use of condoms is ruled out. Only after they stop coming, they can take others and condoms become a must.

Centuries ago, this tribe of Uttar Pradesh, Rajasthan and Madhya Pradesh was once known as warrior caste. After several defeats from wars, they initially took prostitution (dhandha), hunting and illicit brewing as their profession, since manual labor was not preferred. This makes them the major product of flesh trade in India. They are dispersed throughout major cities like Mumbai and Delhi, and even Gulf countries where some locals or Indian descendant provide them shelters.

The Government and several NGOs has been providing education to eradicate this practice but this comes to a halt as this practice is a century old tradition. The young girls only have two options in their lives: as a bhabhi or having a married life, work only as facilitator of the "business" and run the household chores; or as a bai, where they can earn money, wear glamorous clothes and cosmetics, and to have power in the family. Most of these young girls would have no second thought to be a bai.

We finally got rain, after that soaring heat. It was 49 but felt like 55 [and I guess it was more than that]. I had to rest in bed for heat stroke, but many people got killed, so I guess I'm lucky. I have no access to internet, they said there's problem with the server, therefore I'm unable to post and comment.

For those who have be friended me, my apology for not posting and commenting so far.